Turning Japanese? I really ting so.

I got a call the other day from a talent agency informing me of a casting call for a "soccer girl - someone who looks rugged but still looks presentable."

Brilliant! I've always wanted to portray a soccer chick, especially since I was perpetually delegated to the defense position by the boys back in high school. Any sight of the ball coming my way was treated like a gift from the gods. Now here was my chance to really show the grit that I was truly made of, and on national telly too!

I psyched myself up for a physically demanding audition, and entered the casting studio with my tomboy strut and flames flickering from my eyes.

The advertising woman welcomes me and turns to her colleague.

"Hey Harry, what should we cast her as?"

A guy leans over from his desk, casts a long hard look at me and loudly chirps:

"Japanese girl!"

Good freakin' lord.

Disappointed and spiteful, I did my most disgusting impression of Card Captor Sakura, complete with shameless American voice dubbing.

I got a call a few days later from the talent agency.

"The clients love you! You're 99% confirmed for the job. However, the only reason why you're not 100% confirmed is because they have a problem with, uh, your eyebags..."

(How do you respond to something that makes you feel like gold and garbage at the same time?)

"...So before the rehearsal with your other cast members, make sure you get LOADS of sleep, put stuff on your eyes... whatever it takes to get rid of those bags, because if they still show up on the camera after makeup, they'll choose someone else."

Wow. Now that's pretty serious shite. Not only do I have the jaw of someone who's just stepped off the set of The Contender, but I've now got the eyes to match.

I didn't do jack to my peepers, neither did I increase my sleeping hours. I went for the rehearsal, tee-heed excessively, flashed numerous V-signs and twirled around screeching "Moon Cosmic Power, Make Uuuuuup!"

I received a call the next day telling me that I snagged the part.

My ad shoot for TM Net is tomorrow at 6am. I've been briefly informed that the ad will be one in a series of five to be aired heavily during the commercial breaks of Malaysian Idol starting in late May.

It's already been tough all these years evading the curiosity surrounding my ethnicity, and now my days of being perceived as a Malaysian have never looked bleaker.

Serves me right, I suppose.

*Cue unnaturally large sweat drop forming next to forehead*