Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Morning spritz

I take the car out this morning to get to the LRT train station, with my mom scuttling out of the house soon after to accompany me.

My nose tickles as I reverse out, and I lower my head to let out a forceful sneeze. I open my eyes and see a bit of transclucent goop clinging on to the front of my blouse. With no tissue around in the car, I grimace as I smash the phlegm between my fingers until it dissolves. I'm appalled at my grossness but no doubt relieved that I catch sight of it before getting to the office.

Mom gets into the car and we shoot off, listening to The Black-Eyed Peas chanting "No-No-No-No" to something or other. I get to the usual drop-off point and share a few more words with my mom before stepping out. Mom leans over, ready to take over the driver's seat, and her eyes freeze at my lower face. She lifts a forefinger and takes a scrape at my upper lip.

"What is that? You didn't wash your face properly. Looks like porridge..."

"Uh, Ma... I don't think you should have done that."

"Huh... Why?"

I gravely tell her the reason and simultaneously bolt out of the car as she breaks into violent convulsions reinforced with the choicest string of vocabulary.

"EEEEFUCKBASTARDSHITBASTARDARGHDAVINAAAAARRGGHH!!!"

I can't help but look back at the deranged woman and chuckle as I cross the street.

12 Comments:

Blogger cyber-red said...

I wipe my boogy on my sleeves.. muahahah

4:45 PM  
Blogger mob1900 said...

Eeeuuuuwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
You women are gross!



pull up your shirt collar and wipe next time! gross factor = 2 *ahchoooooooooo!

5:15 PM  
Blogger seth.frostheart said...

OMFGEWWW.. i was about to propose!~ *backtracks*

:P

5:50 PM  
Blogger Jack0 said...

ehw.. gross..
*sniff* *dig~dig*.. :p

10:20 PM  
Anonymous sub said...

eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.....

1:42 AM  
Blogger Amakanchi said...

Hahahah your mother is tooo funny :D. Now I know where you got it from ;)!

2:12 AM  
Anonymous Prianna said...

LOL...Had to admit I was grossed out by the smashing between the fingers bit.. although WE ALL HAVE DONE IT one time or another...

But the ending was classic... LOL

4:11 AM  
Blogger disco-very said...

cyber-red,
yeah sleeves are da shiznit, but i've realised fingers are more fun.

mob1900,
i was wearing collarless!

seth-frostheart,
if you're already put off by this post, i strongly recommend that permanently reconsider that proposal.


jack0,
where's the *lick*?

sub,
and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

amakanchi,
yeah, she's a sweetheart. :)

prianna,
yeah, it's the same denial that is associated with toenail biters and saliva bubble-makers. it's cool to hear mothers swear like that.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Jack0 said...

0.o
what the..
lick??? hahahaha

7:24 PM  
Anonymous sub said...

go on.. show me the full iceberg.. :P

1:17 AM  
Blogger oh-jon said...

oh my.

12:56 PM  
Blogger Albert said...

Boo-(ger)-boo-boo!

Now that is one bodily fluid I wouldn't want to exchange. :P

12:43 PM  

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