What are you afraid of?

Today, the shortlisted participants for the official Malaysian edition of Fear Factor will be going head to head during the preliminary elimination round at Sunway Lagoon. Three of my friends are there, giving it their best shot, and wondering why I pulled out.

I've always been known to be the first chick to dive right into Fear Factor-inspired events. I have crazy memories of the first local AXN Fear Challenge at Plaza Mont Kiara back in 2002. Being a frail asthmatic, I freaked myself out by beating out other counterparts by a long shot in the heats when I held my breath underwater for over 3 minutes. And then there was the dipping of my entire arm into a tank filled up to the brim with crickets and roaches, scraping around the grimey bottom for one sen coins and having crewmen brushing the occasional bug off my shoulder (the stench was ungodly). And then there was the final stunt, scaling the walls cum obstacle course of the 4-storey car park from ground to roof. Whenever I chill at Starbucks, I sometimes switch my gaze to across the Plaza, at the thin long iron bar that protrudes from the third floor, reminding me of the abnormal nerve I had to waltz across it to fetch a soft toy velcro-ed to the end whilst dogdging an inflated swinging pendulum. The guy who finished the entire stunt the fastest won a trip to Europe. As for the rest of the finalists, we each got a mobile phone. Getting that far had its drawbacks... I was in more need of the consolation prize of a Swatch.



I was given a call from Singapore early this year informing me of my being on the reservation list to compete in a one-hour Malaysian FF-inspired special on AXN. The shooting dates coincided with the dates of my MTV Asia Aid trip to Bangkok. The lady remarked, "Funny you say that... There's this other girl who was facing the same dilemma, she won the same trip but she chose to do our show instead. I'm not trying to influence your decision, but you know... I guess that says something!"

I went for the trip and a month later caught a bit of the aforementioned AXN special, where people were dunking themselves in a vat full of manure like yau char kwai in black coffee. I sighed with immense gratitude.

This time, my friend Janet, who works in the very next block, invited me to immediate auditions for the real deal. I notified Risdan, the winner of the Fear Challenge at Mont Kiara whom I had befriended thereafter. He rushed down all the way from his Cyberjaya office the day I told him. Instead of playing the intended role of supportive accompaniment, Janet and Risdan wouldn't let me return to my office without registering for the show. I got a call a week later confirming my placement in Episode 2, to be shot sometime in September.

The participants are required for as long as 6 consecutive days, depending on how far they get in the competition, and that's Reason Number One. I've already used up a good part of my annual leave already going for castings, shoots and whatnot. So compounded with the fact that the RM10000 prize money is far from a guarantee, I'm not sure if it will be worth the commitment.

Reason Number Two is... As much as I hate to say this, I think I may be growing out of it. Ask me three years ago to eat witchetty grubs and I'll ask how many you can spare me. But the drive to be dared has diminished slightly enough for me to not be exhilirated about it anymore. I dread to attribute it to maturity - God forbid that I am past my prime. It could possibly be the concept of it just wearing thin in my books.

I can at least proudly say that I've had my share of the Factor. When Risdan, Joshua and Matthius told me last night that they were hoping I'd be there today, all I could do was tell them proudly to kick rock solid @ss on my behalf, and remain content for the rest of my days with my innate gift of self-humiliation.