Doncha wish your girlfriend was daft like me

If you're a ultra-hip and super-happening social butterfly, you gotta have the poser facade that goes with it. But the denizens of Retardation Nation, bless their selfless ways, don't abide by this rule to keep the rest of the world looking good. At events where the press are invited, photographers are trained to be ruthless with their triggers and may catch you in the most unflattering angles and expressions. Let's give 'em what they want.

EXHIBIT A
Awww, lookie here. Someone's been honored as 'Creature of the Night'. Man, those eye bags sure come in handy.

Now, look closely. What is wrong with the pose in that picture...
Perhaps, nothing?
MY POINT EXACTLY.
The classic hand-on-one-hip pose is sassy, demure and irritatingly mediocre. In fact, it's so banal, check out the other chicks on the page:
I went on a depressive 3-day Pringle binge after the photograph was taken, knowing that I did absolute jack to promote my culture. Time for an overhaul.

Tips:
- An attempt to blend into your surroundings is a wasted trip out of the house.
- Do not contradict what you wear.

Anti-poser rating: 1/5 (Credit given for cowprint pants)


EXHIBIT B
Here are a bunch of happy campers at the Malaysian MTV VJ Hunt.
What's the first thing you notice in this picture?
a) Guy with cool afro
b) Guy with cool pink tee
c) 'SUAKU' RETARD HOLDING GIRL WITH BIG BOOBIES
(Yes, that was a rhetorical question.)

I was elated when I created enough of a commotion to be featured twice.
VJ Denise only got one picture. Which means I got double the exposure than a celebrity herself. Sometimes it's hard to believe how much I rock.

Tips:
- There is no such thing as embarrassment at a public audition.
- Learn to accessorize to the best of your ability. Badged-up sling bags are out. Ample-chested sisters are in.

Anti-poser rating: 3/5 (Vast improvement, can afford to loosen more screws)


EXHIBIT C
Yet another generic beast unleashed from the fiery gates of hell. Where is that darn Buffy when you need her?
The photographer guy actually ran in my direction the moment I initiated my crazy frog riverdance routine. Revelling in my commanding presence, I felt like the world was putty in my robust hands.

Tips:
- Androgyny demands attention.
- Experiment with the versatility of the classic white shirt.
- The bid to promote mineral water at a beer-sponsored event is a lost cause but a commendable effort.

Anti-poser rating: 5/5 (Trust from Retardation Nation regained.)