'Tis the season to be Gee Golly

The thing about being a December kid is that you get so used to saying: "I'm (insert technical age + 1) this year", that the eleven-month conditioning progress prior to the day grants you the license to not give a hoot by the time it eventually raps on your front door.

So yes, I do have an excuse for always feeling older than I factually am.

The confession I made this time last year has really helped in getting the disorder out of my system. As I was preparing for my role in S'kali, contact with my face was kept minimal and from then on, I just upkept it. I still get attacks once in a while, but they're a lot more controlled and my awareness of falling into them has increased. And in between, I've managed to check out what my face can really look and feel like without the scabs. It feels phenomenal.

So now, moving on to 24:

It's been a while since I've seen my father as he's been working in Sabah. He came back recently for a few days, and since I was rehearsing my musical I didn't get a chance to spend as much time with him as much as I would have wanted to. But he did get to squeeze in a long talk with me about where I'm going with my career. He told me if I were to ever to take my acting seriously, then I should start now. He suggested that I approach Mediacorp in Singapore, a company that employs their actors on a full-time basis. He doesn't want me to struggle in Malaysia, where the range of opportunities as a Chinese talent isn't as broad as compared to across the causeway. The next day I acted on it, and managed to get in touch with an agent from Mediacorp, who would have very much liked to have presented my profile to his management... had I only been fluent in Mandarin. I've spoken to some more experienced peers about it and they've chipped in their two cents' worth about the local industry and how different it is abroad. In their general opinion, there's no such thing as a greener side, just a matter of preferences in career direction.

Just a month ago, I was passively mapping out what I wanted to do in the near future. As in, carry on with my fulltime job, perhaps save enough to move out and get a place of my own, at the same time engage in more performing arts in my spare time. Now I've been thrown completely off my guard because THE other option has suddenly surfaced, the one which I had never in my wildest dreams would have been able to take seriously for fear of family disapproval. For my father to finally give the thumbs up is very unreal, but I suspect it has come about from watching my work and realizing that a 10-year pursuit can no longer be considered "just a phase she'll grow out of".

My marketability is going to drop once I hit my quarter-life mark - physical maturity directly affects the scope of roles that an actor is able to pull off convincingly and therefore be offered - and it didn't occur to me how close I was to it until my father drove the point in.

It's a huge leap to take: after all, being established is one thing, and being in demand is another. But I can't afford to "wait for a good time" anymore. Tony was right: there's no such thing. For the first time in my life, I feel the need to set goals for myself - where to go, who to approach, how much to save, what skills to pick up. There's a lot of restructuring that needs to be done, and I'm still a little befuddled as to where to start...

I've received a mindblowing birthday present in the form of a green light, and I've got 364 days left to get my crap together.

Time to get the ball rollin'.