Utterly Factual Obsession

My old schoolmate Kristin was hosting a little "Roll Your Own Sushi" party at her house. It was an evening of nostalgia as we tuned into Boyz II Men classics and laughed about imfamous classroom capers, as we stuffed our faces with Yee Sang and makeshift California Rolls.

At around midnight, we decided to call it a night and the five of us made our way out to Kristin's front gate.

Then one of my friends pointed something out in the sky.

I looked up at the abnormal constellation. The three miniscule orbs were of equal distance apart from each other, forming a perfect inverted triangle. They blinked red, then white, then red again...

These were stars.
Yeah, and my farts smell like roses.

My friends erupted into chipmunkish chatter. Meanwhile, the concept of speech and logic in general eluded me. I stood there, eyes widened to their limit, jaw loose and hanging. Cloak me in blood, dirt and Salvation Army rags and I would have easily passed off as a member of the undead gazing at sky flowers.

"Try taking pictures!" Ashvin called out to me.

Switching to paparazzi mode, I grabbed the gizmo hanging from my neck and started snapping.


Can you see it? CAN YOU SEE IT?!?!?!

(Don't worry, I can't either.)

I gave up shortly after realizing that the lights were too far away to capture on my lens, and slipped back into my undead state.

The orbs remained perfectly still, until the one on the right started shifting slowly to the left.

And then the left orb started shifting slowly to the right.

Until all three formed a perfect vertical line.

Half a minute later, they retreated behind the clouds, and dimmed out into nothingness.

It was the stuff Mulder's wet dreams were made of.

I called up my boyfriend on the spot, who didn't sound very amused with my incoherent babbling about the prospect of aliens taking over the planet.

"Are you sure it's not just a festival going on? Because I'm seeing fireworks going off all over town from my balcony..."

I refused to consider the possibility. After settling down slightly, we shared hugs and walked to our respective cars, feeling awkwardly lucky to bear witness to the thermospheric spectacle. I was hitching a ride with Helina, who was dropping Anastacia off home first. We drove deep into the Mont Kiara area, when we were met with the sight of the century.

Infiltrating the ozone were the lights again. They blinked red, then white, then red again...

The sky went 'War of the Worlds' all over our quivering @$$es.

The orbs were EVERYWHERE.

We pulled the car over and got out, the three of us cursing in hysteria.

And then Helina noticed something...

The lights were moving in the same direction the clouds were.

They were floating with the winds. And the inconsistent amber glow they possessed made it seem they were set alight from inside.

"... I think they're just lanterns, man!" Anastacia hollered, a mixed strain of relief and disappointment in her voice.

I checked the news the following morning, and sure enough, my boyfriend's suspicions were proven right. I'm not sure how the lanterns are made lighter than air and set aloft, or if what we saw was linked to the Hokkien festival, but it all made such boring sense. Damn that Jade Emperor. UFOs are way cooler.

Admittedly, I am still adamant about believing the alternate truth. For one, the orbs we saw were emanating light strong enough to pierce through the clouds. At some points they were completely stationary. And to further support our valid bemusement, one moved in the opposite direction of the winds. Lanterns just don't do that stuff.

Unless there were aliens *inside* the lanterns...

Now THAT would rock.