Thursday, March 03, 2005

He Ain't Heavy...

My relationship with my brother is decomposing before my eyes and I feel helpless about it.

It's his birthday today. Last night when I got back home after a movie, I saw him slumped into the living room couch watching TV. I wished him Happy Birthday. He replied with a soft 'Uh', his eyes still glued to the screen. I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek; he didn't get up to make it easier for me and I ended up collapsing on top of him. He didn't say anything, didn't move a muscle. He was almost comatose.

Today he and I left for work at the same time. We waited for the LRT together. When it arrived it was jam-packed. He managed to squeeze in but there was no space for me to step into the train. I knew there was nothing he could have done to help me on, but he didn't even have a look of care or concern on his face. Like I was just another stranger. His mask of apathy lingered around me long after my eyes trailed it inside the departing train.

I can't remember the last time I've had a decent multi-syllabled conversation with him. I've been waiting for him to come out of his shell for many years. I don't know what there is left for me to do to salvage this relationship. Granted that he is a man of few words and his communication skills at home are a little poor, but apparently he once mentioned that I'm the closest sister he has. What is the rest of the family to him when the unconditional love between us now doesn't even show, isn't even felt?

Happy Birthday Malcolm, I love you. I just wish things were different.

4 Comments:

Blogger ButterRoll_sama said...

sounds like maybe we could swap siblings. i'd like to have a better sister.

2:23 PM  
Blogger Wandernut said...

Hey you!

Wei Na here.
I have a younger brother too.
He just turned 23 and well, we've always been close. We're still close now, but every now and then, he morphs into a mono-syllabic grunting scratching zombie (he has eczema). I think it's a phase. I once sat him down to ask him if he's ok, if something's on his mind or if he's on something. The chat did us good.

Talk to your braww.
Stand on your head to get his attention if u have to.

;) Good luck babe! Bye the way. The bruise looks awesome. I had one about that size once. Fell on a concrete staircase. I named it Ribenaberry. Whee!

4:09 PM  
Blogger disco-very said...

Hi Wei Na, hope you've been good! Thanks for the advice... I will try my best. Is Ribenaberry single?

11:54 AM  
Blogger rei said...

Dunno if you'll believe this, but KL was a low point for Joy and me in our relationship as sisters. We'd always been close, but in KL there were days when we would barely talk - partly because of our schedules, partly because we were so bitchy to each other - and I didn't think it would ever get better.

Then we moved back here to Manila and we got into huge fights - the biggest one being during the last Christmas season - and funnily enough, we worked our way out of them.

I'm sure your brother loves you back - maybe he just doesn't feel comfortable right now saying or expressing it. I'm also sure it'll get better :)

12:31 AM  

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