He Ain't Heavy...

My relationship with my brother is decomposing before my eyes and I feel helpless about it.

It's his birthday today. Last night when I got back home after a movie, I saw him slumped into the living room couch watching TV. I wished him Happy Birthday. He replied with a soft 'Uh', his eyes still glued to the screen. I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek; he didn't get up to make it easier for me and I ended up collapsing on top of him. He didn't say anything, didn't move a muscle. He was almost comatose.

Today he and I left for work at the same time. We waited for the LRT together. When it arrived it was jam-packed. He managed to squeeze in but there was no space for me to step into the train. I knew there was nothing he could have done to help me on, but he didn't even have a look of care or concern on his face. Like I was just another stranger. His mask of apathy lingered around me long after my eyes trailed it inside the departing train.

I can't remember the last time I've had a decent multi-syllabled conversation with him. I've been waiting for him to come out of his shell for many years. I don't know what there is left for me to do to salvage this relationship. Granted that he is a man of few words and his communication skills at home are a little poor, but apparently he once mentioned that I'm the closest sister he has. What is the rest of the family to him when the unconditional love between us now doesn't even show, isn't even felt?

Happy Birthday Malcolm, I love you. I just wish things were different.